How To Avoid The Fatal Flaws Of Faulty Mate Selection

Get it wrong and it will not only impact upon your happiness but it could also affect your children, your family and your finances. Director of Research and Development at eHarmony Labs Dr Gian Gonzaga reveals the biggest mistakes we make when choosing our life partner.
Figures released by the Centre for Social Justice indicate that family breakdowns cost the UK an estimated £24billion annually, but it’s virtually impossible to put a figure on the emotional cost.
“Long term happiness within your relationship is based on many criteria some of which vary by individuals, whilst others such as sharing values and personality traits are universal”, says Dr Gian Gonzaga. He adds: “many people continue to fall into the same traps when making relationship decisions”, which has prompted the team at eHarmony to compile the following list of the fatal flaws of faulty mate selection.

1. Before the relationship gets too serious ask yourself if certain traits are something you will want in your relationship in five years time. You might be drawn in to someone’s quirks when dating, or maybe even their nonchalance about being together. “Often people find themselves looking for the things that are fun at the beginning, but these same things can cause conflict over the long haul and ultimately end up being a large part of why your relationship falters”, reveals Dr Gian Gonzaga.
2. Unrealistic expectations can lead to marriages ending. Being able to spend your life with someone in good times and bad is a very appealing prospect. It’s important to remember that all marriages – even the healthiest ones – have their own unique challenges. Be realistic and acknowledge that there will be some difficulties that will come up.
3. Don’t commit to marriage or a partner too fast. It should be a serious decision that takes many aspects into consideration. In fact, some experts recommend that a couple should date for at least two years to make sure that they are making the correct choice, because a whirlwind romance could cloud your judgment, blinding you any incompatibilities.
4. Marrying to please someone else is usually a sure-fire recipe for marital disaster. Whether it’s to please a parent or a partner, entering into a marriage prematurely can result in both partners having different levels of passion for the marriage itself. In a healthy relationship, both people should be excited and enthusiastic about taking the big step.
5. Being too young or too eager for a relationship can also pose problems in the long term. People in their 20s have some of the highest divorce rates. Whilst some people have experienced a lot by this age, for many that strong concept of self-identity may not have fully emerged yet. If someone has low self-esteem, they may believe that a relationship will make them whole and secure. However, they may find that their personal problems are still there, leading to disillusionment or resentment. Knowing who you are and feeling comfortable with yourself is a vital part of a relationship.

Whether you’re looking for Brighton, Bristol or Birmingham dating, eHarmony offers answers through scientifically formulated compatibility models. Launched in the UK in 2008 following extensive research into love and relationships conducted by eHarmony Labs and the Oxford Internet Institute at Oxford University, eHarmony provides UK singles online dating options thanks to their Compatibility Matching System. Dr. Gian Gonzaga is the Director of Research and Development at eHarmony Labs, a California-based institute that conducts relationship research in the US and around the world.